I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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