Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
