but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
