I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
