I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
