yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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