false alarm. still invincible.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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