walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
NoShamevember. You game?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Just puked most of my soul out..
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
