is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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