Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
