she looked like the before picture.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
