HIV tests are more positive than that guy
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
40s are totally the cure
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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