You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
