it was like his penis was on wheels.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
