party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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