Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
