I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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