well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
