I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
