I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Randomize