It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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