Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
