I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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