we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
