I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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