I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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