the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
you had me at cake vodka
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
