Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
