Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
