It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
