i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
where are my eyebrows?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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