I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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