I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
