I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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