He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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