i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
