Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Randomize
