You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Randomize
