PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
