Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
