My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
