i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
