I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
