I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
