last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
don't judge my taste in strippers
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
