she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
