Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize