i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
