she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
