i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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