dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
